Embrace the Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before You Get a Divorce
Love is grand and when it leads to marriage it is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, this article is about the benefits of marriage counseling, so let’s keep it real. As idealistic as marriage is in the beginning, things don’t always work out.
As our older generations pass on, we will see fewer marriages reaching 50 and 60-year milestones. If a couple reaches its 25th anniversary it is seen as a huge milestone. As dire as this may seem, the notion that 50% of marriages end in divorce isn’t as concrete as it sounds.
This should give you hope. People are waiting longer to get married, and they are making sure their lives are at a stage where they are more likely to have a successful marriage.
When couples are truly invested in their partnership, they are willing to do what it takes to get across difficult hurdles. This means divorce is often a last result.
Are you and your spouse facing difficult times? Keep reading to learn more about the benefits of couple’s therapy interventions.
Are There Benefits of Marriage Counseling?
When people talk about 50% of marriages ending in divorce they are speaking from articles using information derived from flawed data sets.
This can lead people to believe their marriage like others is doomed to fail. It is not true.
If you want your marriage to succeed, chances are in your favor that it will. The benefits of marriage counseling prove this over and over.
Couples must be willing to put in the work to resolve their differences and get back on track.
It is when one or both parties are selfish and refuse to put in the work to make things work. When there are no young children factoring in the equation, separating becomes a viable option.
There are different types of couple’s therapy available. Couples need to understand which formula best fits their personalities and their marital structure.
When to Seek Counseling?
In a perfect world, people would seek counseling at the first sign of trouble. Too often, counseling doesn’t enter the conversation until one partner is researching how to file for divorce. This should be your final option, not the first.
There are several signs your marriage is entering dangerous territory. Let’s look at the five main reasons people seek couple’s counseling.
You’re Not Connecting with Your Spouse
One day things were fine, the next you and your spouse were not seeing eye-to-eye on anything. At times it is as if you’re living with a complete stranger. As time goes on it is common for two people to begin to see things differently.
Whether it’s politics, education, work, or whether to get a pet, as we grow, so do our outlook on life. How we address these changes in our
partner will play a major part in how we see each other.
The Relationship Hits a Roadblock
In the beginning, you and your spouse agreed on almost everything. If not, there was always an opportunity to compromise. Now it feels like you’re running into a brick wall on every situation in your relationship.
This can be a self-defense tactic that people use to defect from what is truly bothering them. Going into couples therapy can help the two of you get to the heart of the issue and work through it.
It is surprising how something really small and manifests into a crisis when it is not addressed in the right way. Enlisting the help of a trained professional will reveal the problem and help you work through it.
There is No Intimacy
The lack of intimacy in a marriage is another sign of an underlying issue. First, couples need to determine if the lack of intimacy is due to a health condition.
The immediate response is often the spouse is engaging in an extra-marital affair. The truth is a decrease in sex drive can be attributed to medications, fatigue, or diseases like Diabetes, High Blood Pressure or certain cancers.
There are also psychological aspects such as low self-esteem and feelings of not being appreciated in the relationship.
One Person Has No Sense of Self
Marriage takes a lot of work, and it is easy for one spouse to lose her or himself in the relationship. This is common in marriages where one person works outside the home and the other is a stay at home parent.
Resentment and feelings of not being appreciated for their contributions can appear. Someone who once had dreams of a career, traveling, or independence will eventually begin to resent their decisions. It is more prevalent when the breadwinner appears unappreciative of their sacrifices.
Your Arguments Are Impacting the Kids
Couples believe their struggles are not seen or heard by their children. This is rarely the case. Children of all ages are very preceptive and pick-up on tension spoken and unspoken.
Having children in a marriage facing challenges is the perfect reason to seek therapy for couples.
Signs that your children are being impacted by marital drama includes negative behavior, withdrawal, outbursts, and problems in school.
What are the Best Options?
There are various approaches to marital counseling. It all depends on the couple, their beliefs, and their personalities. Each person is different, so their response to approaches in counseling can make or break the outcomes.
It is recommended that couples interview counselors and be open to different types of counseling before making a decision.
Some counseling techniques are very traditional, while others infuse new-age approaches. The ultimate goal is to be open and honest about what you are feeling and be willing to accept the honesty and openness of your spouse.
Let’s take a look at different approaches to marriage counseling.
Couple’s therapy may mean engaging in family counseling if the kids are being affected. Couples will still need their separate sessions to address intimate intricacies of their personal relationship. This is information they do not need to hear.
It would be best to use the same counselor to address the couple and the family. Focus on finding someone who is skilled in both areas.
Imago therapy for couples is a nontraditional way of approaching marital problems and working through them. The goal is to get the couple to see the struggles of the marriage through their partner’s eyes.
It is common to relive childhood experiences and trauma to help each other understand why you react to things in the way that you do. The end goal is to heal the traumas in order to grow individually and collectively to heal your relationship.
Pre-marital counseling is common and highly-recommended for customers before getting married. In the pre-marriage stage, couples tend to only see the good in each other. They focus on what makes them happy and look away from things that might be problematic later on.
It is natural to believe once you say “I Do,” all of the bad things will magically disappear. Premarital counseling help couples understand sweeping problems under a rug or pretending they don’t exist is a surefire way to ruin a marriage.
Some providers offer tests to participants to determine their strengths and weaknesses. They help the couple work through their deficits and teach them conflict resolution.
If the counselor sees signs of incompatibility, they will let the couple know and recommend putting off marriage until they work through their differences.
Religion Based Counseling
Many religious organizations offer marriage counseling. These sessions are often free of charge to members of the church. Many couples are more open to speaking with a spiritual leader they trust.
If both spouses have strong religious beliefs, they will be more open to the use of religious principles in directing the counseling sessions. In cases where one spouse is not spiritually connected to the church, he or she may be resistant to this type of therapy and opt for different types of couple’s therapy.
Therapeutic or Marriage Fitness Counseling
Marriage Boot Camp isn’t just a TV show. There are therapists that offer similar techniques for couples. They can take place in a group or private setting.
Couples are given tasks and challenges they must work together to complete. The activities help them improve their problem-solving skills and to build better teamwork.
Working through their issues with other couples help see themselves through the lens of someone else’s eyes. In helping others resolve their issues, it also triggers the couple to learn critical thinking skills when dealing with their own struggles.
Give Love a Chance
The willingness of a couple to explore the benefits of marriage counseling means they believe what they have is worth saving. Go in with an open mind and the ability to listen and learn. Chances are you will find success and a renewed energy.
If you’re reading this article because your marriage is going through tough times, we wish you the best. Our site has many articles focused on getting the best out of life. Check back often to see what’s new.