6 Things People Focus on When They Don’t Feel Safe in a Relationship
Distrust in a relationship can manifest itself in so many ways, for example, in focusing on trifles in the partner’s behavior. The main thing, in this case, is not to convince yourself that you are worried about nonsense but understand the trigger of anxiety. Here are a few things people focus on when they don’t feel safe in their relationships.
1. What duties each of you performs
The equal distribution of physical and emotional efforts in a couple is important for a healthy relationship, but it should not grow into pettiness and become a constant source of stress. Many people who are insecure about their relationships “keep track” of issues such as money and household chores and get offended if there isn’t complete equality. If a man is looking for the best anniversary gifts for her, he will expect to get something cool from her as well. When people live together, there are moments when one partner makes more efforts than another, and there are objective reasons for this, for example, a woman, being on maternity leave, devotes more time to a child, and a man invests more in the family budget because he works (or vice versa, when a father goes on maternity leave). It makes sense to distribute responsibilities basing neither on the principle of “who does what,” nor gender, but on interests, abilities, and comfort. If you are constantly upset because the partner doesn’t make enough effort, perhaps the reason is not in the dirty dishes but much deeper – your relationship lacks trust.
2. What a partner is doing when you’re not together
When a person does not feel safe in a relationship, any separation can be perceived as a threat. It may seem that the less time you spend together, the more you move away from each other. Well, it is true: when people do not see each other for weeks or hardly communicate, even though they live in the same apartment, their connection will inevitably weaken. However, if there is trust between people, and they find ways to spice up their feelings, being together, alone time can be very useful.
3. Amount of time you spend together
One of the clear signs that a person is insecure about their relationship is that they are obsessed with the amount of time a partner spends with them. They believe that its length shows the level of their partner’s affection. The more they worry about this, the more they plunge into counting hours, minutes and evenings. They can even start getting angry with other people who their partner is spending time with because they “take away” time that could be spent together. If you experience something like this, try to shift your focus of attention and understand why you do not feel comfortable and safe in a relationship. Was there something in your partner’s behavior, your past or your common habits that ruin your confidence? Once you understand the real reason for worrying about shared time, it will be easier for you to improve the relationship.
4. Your partner’s activity in social networks
If you are worried about what the partner is posting on social networks or with whom they are communicating there, this is also a sign that you don’t feel safe. The reason for the excitement can be not only the fear of cheating on their part but also the fear that they will say or do something inadequate in online space. When you create a safe relationship, you will not feel the need to monitor each other’s life. Therefore, you should work on building confidence in your couple by discussing boundaries and priorities.
5. Role of friends in your partner’s life
When a partner’s friends are perceived as a threat and enemies, this also indicates insecurity. This type of behavior is often called jealousy or a very keen sense of ownership, but the real reason is the lack of a sense of security and comfort. People who have already faced cheating are prone to such perception of things. Anyway, it is important to overcome this distrust for the sake of maintaining healthy relationships, and this will require efforts on both sides.
6. Partner’s priorities
If a person is not 100% sure of the stability of their relationship, they can focus on meeting the needs of a partner and trying to please them. Of course, the desire to do good to your loved one is a natural thing. But, when any discontent of a partner is perceived as a threat to the relationship, it is already about unhealthy anxiety caused by distrust. In a safe relationship, people are not afraid to express their desires, even if they do not match.