A divorce doesn’t just happen overnight. Whether you and your spouse have been bickering for a while now, or whether your spouse has been unfaithful, there are normally signs that will show whether or not your marriage will end in divorce. Certain factors add to an unhappy marriage. If you notice these 13 signs in your marriage, perhaps it’s time to make some changes, before it’s too late.
1. There is no respect in your marriage. Respect plays such a great role in a marriage. Without respect, your marriage will not flourish. You can imagine that, with a lack of respect, you would probably be using harsh language with your spouse, screaming perhaps, and using degrading speech. If your spouse feels degraded, rejected and dismissed in your marriage, then how can you expect love to grow? A lack of respect is like a fire that burns and destroys. You need to search deeply to find out what caused the lack of respect in the first place. Be honest with yourselves, and speak in a kind and open manner. Let your spouse know what they have done to cause you to disrespect them.
2. Lack of communication. This goes without saying. Communication is the lifeblood of any marriage and if you and your spouse stop talking, then this is a sure sign that your marriage is on the rocks. Without communication, your emotional connection with your partner will be lost. If you don’t take the time to listen to each other’s needs and wants in your marriage, or even each other’s stories at the end of the day, you can’t expect to grow as a couple. This is also why many couples who experience a lack of communication in their marriages, end up looking for someone else outside of their marriage. Someone who makes them feel valued. You need to learn to talk to each other, even if the conversation might feel uncomfortable. Make time for each other every day, without technology. Put the T.V off, hide your phones, and just talk. If you can keep the lines of communication open in your marriage, you have a better chance of your marriage surviving.
3. Unrealistic expectations. Maybe before you got married, you thought your marriage would be all sunshine and roses. Perhaps you expected romance all the time and no fighting. Then after a few years of marriage, your marriage didn’t live up to your expectations, or things have changed. It’s important to have realistic expectations of your spouse. Marriage is hard work. Both parties have to work together to keep their marriage alive. You might also feel that if things had followed a different pattern in the past, maybe you wouldn’t have the problems you have today. This could be true, but it’s imperative to resolve past issues and speak about your feelings so that you don’t become resentful.
4. You start living completely separate lives. Marriage is the union of two different people, with different likes and dislikes. If you start to live different lives without the other person all the time, this could be a sign that your marriage is heading for a divorce. If you start to feel like roommates, that know nothing about what’s going on in your spouse’s life, it’s time to make some changes. Couples should be able to share experiences together, even if one partner doesn’t always enjoy what the other mate wants to do. For example, if your husband loves to go fishing, joining him in his hobby from time to time will be good for your marriage. Or if your wife enjoys shopping, join her on her shopping expeditions. Spending time together is important. It also shows your spouse that you value their interests, even if it doesn’t really interest you. After all, marriage is about compromise.
5. You can’t agree on whether or not to have children. Perhaps one spouse really wants a child and the other spouse doesn’t want children at all. In 2018 this made more than 1000 people dissolve their marriages in Florida. If you can’t come to an agreement about whether or not to have children, this could be a sign that you are headed for a divorce. If you are constantly fighting about wanting children and your spouse isn’t interested, this could cause a massive rift in your marriage. It would be a good idea to discuss your expectations about having children before you get married. This can be a really tricky one.
6. You need to compromise. If there is no compromise in a marriage, things might be headed for a rocky outcome. If your spouse refuses to let you do things your way or doesn’t listen to your needs, then this is a sign that things could end badly. Marriage is about giving from both sides. It shouldn’t be a one-sided affair. By not compromising you are creating a rift in your marriage that shows that you don’t care about your spouses feelings and opinions.
7. According to Liveabout.com, cheating is a no-no. If your spouse keeps on cheating on you, then this is a sure fire way for your marriage to end in divorce. Usually, if a spouse cheats more than once they will sadly continue cheating. Often times a spouse who cheats will also blame you for their actions. Even if you do decide to take your spouse back, the trust that you once had in them would be broken. Just like a vase that had been smashed, you might be able to glue the pieces together, but you would still be able to see the cracks. If your spouse has cheated on you on numerous occasions, you would need to decide if you want to carry on with your marriage or end it.
8. There is constant fighting. If you and your spouse are constantly arguing, it means there is a problem. Statistics show that 69% of couples who get divorced feel that they were arguing all the time and that there was no hope to resolve the issues that they faced.
9. No more sex. If you and your spouse haven’t had sex in a while, you should be concerned. Many couples do go through patches with no sex, but if it’s been months or even years, then this could be a sign that your marriage is headed for a divorce. Intimacy is a very important part of marriage. Without sex, it’s easy to lose sight of your connection. In healthy marriages, couples enjoy sex between 1 and 3 times a week on average. Sex also helps you connect emotionally. The worst part is that according to lauradoyle.org talking about the issue with your spouse only makes things worse. If you feel you have issues with sexuality in your marriage, perhaps seeing a sexologist would be a good idea or even a psychologist, to help you get to the route of the problem.
10. Lastly, if you keep daydreaming about being with someone else or about being single, then this shows that there might be a problem in your marriage. If you let your guard down in this way, you are more open to cheating, and a cheating spouse does not equal a happy marriage.
There you have it. 10 signs that your marriage could be heading for a divorce. This is not to say that your marriage will end in a divorce if you notice any of these signs. It means that if you see any of these signs, you should work at it. In the words of Dr. Emerson Eggrichs “In marriage it is never falling, it is always about getting back up.”